Full Moon

As I laid down tonight, I had a great view of the full moon through my window. It was quite bright, lighting up the courtyard below the window. Maybe because of the full moon, Dusty was wide awake and pacing at 2:15 this morning, and so I have just gotten back inside from taking him out - that has seemed to do the trick after he's relieved himself, and seems to be settling back down.

My heart is heavy tonight ... I'm settling in here but the loose ends are what always take the longest to find resolution. It is hard to swallow the hurt of feeling taken for granted, and with no evidenced reciprocity of interest in the effort required to maintain a strong long distance friendship. Old patterns have quickly surfaced, but my willingness to go down this road again is held back by seeing the results of this road over the last several years, and I deserve so much better than that. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.

And yet the heart hears things that the mind does not, and refuses to extinguish a small ray of hope that I truly mean something to at least someone in this world... because it feels awfully lonely indeed if this is not the case. All I want is to be loved.