Starting to Care

Depression is your worst enemy, because it knows you so well its easy to believe nothing's wrong. And it usually builds up so slowly, you don't realize its had you in its grips until you don't always care whether or not you need to fight free.

For me, my physical appearance was one of the most affected. About a month ago, I started to wear makeup again on a daily basis, for myself. It was amazing the amount of compliments I got on really minimal application. Then slowly I got more creative with my wardrobe, spending a few extra seconds to maybe change out my necklace for a different one, or wear a specific pair of shoes.

A week ago, I made a conscious effort to at least pretend to enjoy clothes shopping, and put together an outfit that was springlike. I took the risk buying pink shoes as another step towards trying to break out of the "why change I'm comfortable" funk. I've been getting compliments on my outfits for the first time in a long time. While its not the ultimate reason I'm doing it, its reaffirming that taking care of yourself also means giving support to all parts of you.

I'm still working on the weight loss end, but trying to do it as realistically as possible. Selling the car was more than a financial decision, it was a lifestyle change. Slowly but surely...

Its that Time Again

I have ordered my new hearing aid. Whoo hoo. It is amazing how much the technology has changed in the last 5 years. Granted, the price has stayed the same, but oh well.

I've already been through so many colors/styles for the shell, so I was pleasantly surprised to find one that was relatively neutral but still had a little personal twist. So now, I will always have a piece of African Savannah!

This is the start of a busy crunch time for me at work, but I am awake and ready: Bring it ON! I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked, and its been a while since I've laid awake at 2am just staring at the ceiling. Hopefully it is over, and I can go back to being ultra productive.

On the truck free front - I walked almost 4 miles on Friday in between my appointments and social contractions. I am proud of myself! The hardest part is being patient that it takes more time to walk. I have gotten better at estimating my arrival time, and that is helping.

Happy Spring!

I am slowly being taken over to the "style" side... Spring Is Here!

Never mind that the temperatures are actually in the 30's and 40's and it was very chilly today.

And it wouldn't be spring without some color - I know own my first pair of VERY pink shoes!


And no beth, you can't borrow them.. but it doesn't matter since you're in AZ and I'm here :D

Free Friday!

well, not completely. I've got the obligatory medical attentions to appease this morning, but I wasn't as organized about getting other things for the day scheduled when I would have liked them.

So, I am spending this afternoon as a stress decompress, and going to replace a pair of pants that have gone beyond their shelf life, run errands, etc. and the best part - hit up the library, and another set by Andy Wagner at The Hideout. Seriously, if by now you haven't checked out www.rockproper.com to get a full, high quality download of his newest album, I don't know why I'm still talking to you! :)

Now going on week 2 of being completely car ownership free. It hasn't been a difficult switch, except for the days where I need ( ok ok WANT) to go places a little out of the convenience of direct cta access. But, I'm still for the most part getting where I want to.

Now on to new digital toy shopping - a new hearing aid! I think i should be able to trump out any digital junkies. They get to buy more stuff for the amount I have to shell out for an aid, but I can wear it every day.

Chronic Medical Conditions

I am just about fed up with Insurance Companies. Outrageous test fees. There is NO WAY you can justify to me that a hearing test should cost $175 stand alone, not even including the "office visit" fee. Don't even get me started on the cost of a new aid. I could go on a month long vacation with that money!


And screw you, BCBS for not covering hearing aids, in any way, in your insurance policy. Oh wait.. that's right. I'm not giving you hundreds of dollars to actually get insurance for things I *NEED*.

The Best Part

There are many things that are good and bad about living alone in comparison to roommates, family, and living together with someone.

But hands down, there is nothing like being able to lose your pants to kick off the weekend. On second note.. there is an awful lot of talk about pants in this blog. Maybe there's a name for this sort of behavior.

Confusion

We're a week away from the "official" start of Spring.

Its 18 degrees... and SNOWING.

What.The.Hell. ???

Whole again

I am going to be forever in debt to the friend who told me about the practice rooms at the Harold Washington Library downtown. It was everything I hoped it would be!

I checked around online before going, having visions of the practice rooms in my high school days - old decrepit, out of tune uprights that were going musty and stale in the cramped rooms. But, a piano is a piano, and I've made attempts with my keyboards over the years and it just hasn't been the same. I was so very pleasantly surprised to see the pianos were upright Yahamas similar in age to the pianos kept at ASU - definitely not brand new, but well maintained and with rooms that are well lit.

I have to admit I had the guilty thought that if I did not have Dusty, I would take the purple train downtown every day after work and put in at least an hour, it felt that good to have the piano back in my life. For now, I'm pretty much restricted to the busier weekend times. I'll take what I can get at this point.

But man... It has been too long. Nothing like taking out music that was effortless to play when I was in full swing, and looking at it, then trying to play to that level and having to admit you are a little rusty. Ouch. I think I managed to make a good start back on the right track. I'd love to entertain the idea of getting some extra cash by doing weddings this summer/fall, but I think I'd need another month of consistent practice to have enough music playable for an audience.

Apology

Beth,

I owe you an apology. I just set off the fire alarm and had smoke coming out of my oven when I tried to make a coffee cake. I've used this recipe and the silicon pan before, so there must be something about the gas oven that does not work with the silicon - the cake had been in the oven less than 10 mins and the bottom crust was already brown.

I give up on baking for tonight. I tried to salvage it by flipping it into another pan and just doing another layer of the topping, but having the bottom for the top just isn't going to work. Boo.

Live Music

I had forgotten how much more ... visceral music and musical experiences are in a live set compared to a CD. I LOVE it! Even if it makes me wish I was up playing instead of listening, but you can't always have what you want.

Great shows tonight, even if there were some minor mishaps. I actually prefer shows that aren't perfect, they remind you of the people behind the words and the sound, and just make it that much easier to connect to the experience.

And now, its time for bed.

New Bands!

Last night I met up with some friends at the bar down the block (RED LINE TAP) to hear some bluegrass tunes from a group Strangely named SexFists. You'd have no idea their music based on the name.. and maybe that was their idea. Anywhoo... with great $2.50 specials and fun music, I had a blast.

I'm going back again tonight to listen to an AWESOME local singer, Andy Wagner - his new CD came out last week, and I'm excited to see how the sound translates live in a small venue.

http://www.rockproper.com/ is where his new CD is for free download - go go go now! If you like what you hear, his 2 other albums as well as this one are available on iTunes at a very reasonable price. Support local, GOOD artists!

Some nights... being alone sucks more than others. Tonight is one of them.

The lake was a gigantic sheet of white... the snow has stayed ontop of the ice. This is the first time I've looked out to the horizon and seen nothing but white all the way to the sky, which was a dark blue grey.

Comforting

You can take the girl out of bourbon country, but you can't take the bourbon outta the girl.

Note to Self

When it's 20 degrees out, its probably a good idea to think about how soon you need pants to wear when doing laundry that requires hanging to dry. Cause now... you look like an idiot because you have no pants. Oops! I would wear a skirt, but I can see all the wind blowing the trees and the snow around, so no thank you on that one.