you never know

You never know what your interactions with other people mean to them.

I've been in my current building 6 months. My neighbor beneath me is infatuated with my dog, which overall is a tolerable thing since it means she doesn't get upset and the dog related noises that come from living on the 3rd floor above her.

She's in her 60's or 70's I'm not really sure. All of her family is dead, and she is always alone any time I see her. Today, she told me that she had breast cancer in the past, along with a mass in her uterus and so has had lumpectomies and a hysterectomy. Her cancer has come back. She is refusing chemo and radiation.

What was the point of her telling me all this?

She asked if I would spread her ashes somewhere in the natural wilderness that Dusty and I enjoy. Since I have to pass by her door every time i go up or down the stairs, we cross paths occasionally, and Dusty loves anyone who gives him genuine attention. This request came as a complete shock to me, but in a way it is a very humbling feeling. Living alone and being single... I have learned that what I really want in my life is a witness to my human experience. In most cases, you don't find someone willing to venture in your life journey to that degree unless they are a significant other. So, in most cases the two situations are linked together as causal.

This gave me a lot to think about as I walked 9 miles this afternoon.

25 miles and rockin!

I added up my pure exercise miles from last week - namely walking home from work every day last week, and then also a walk last Sun and a major walk yesterday. My total from Sun- Sat was 25.1 miles! I am so proud of myself. I have learned that in order to be able to stick to my goals, I need to make it something that is part of my daily routine. By walking home, I've also committed to leaving the office at a decent time. I am getting in a little earlier from time to time, but I know that the day will usually be over by about 6.

Now is the next step, to keep building off that. I am noticing that my time for the walk got slightly shorter by the time Friday rolled around. The next step will probably be strength training and exercises at home. Slowly but surely...

Insight

I did a little thinking why I've been feeling so emotional even with a good diet and lots of exercise. Then I realized that it was right after I got back from 4th of July in Chicago last year that I seriously considered the idea of moving here. It took from July to September to get all the pieces in place, but July was the month I started looking at apartments and jobs, and the 2nd weekend in August was when I went up for interviews and the peds in the weeds picnic. 3 weeks later, I was moving here for good.

I didn't know what to expect coming here, even after having moved two other times in two other states. This move has definitely taken the largest toll on me, both physically, emotionally, financially, and mentally. I've lived with things I never thought I could stand, and without things I once thought were necessities. I've learned I'm stronger than I think I am, even if I don't have all the answers or know what is coming next. All I know is I'll still be here despite it all.

the 4th

This year's 4th is light years different than last year. Last year, I was at a family bbq with friends, good food, beer, and my first ever fireworks.

This year... I went to a movie by myself, had a pita at the mall, and went to the used bookstore. The small local theatre by me reopened on Wed, and their movies are $5 including tax. Can't be that nowadays. I saw The Hangover, easy laughs without having to think too much.

I found it ironic after I got dressed that I'm wearing the same shirt as I did last year on this day. Same shirt, different ways the day played out.

Sad news.... my parents got home from their drive from MN to find one of our dogs had died outside between the time my sis left to go hiking and the time they got home a few hours later. Poor Amos :(