Tuesday, August 31, 2010

LEED Exam

The exam is booked. September 12.

I better be ready. I feel pretty OK about it, I still have 2 weeks and I have been studying for about an hour a day 4-5 days a week since August 4.

Only time will tell.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Show on the Road


This last weekend, I was the officiant for a very very good friend's wedding. I took the opportunity for a few moments of peace while they were finishing last minute details.


Love me some coffee and some quiet while waiting to be picked up to get some people hitched :)

The Sandbox

I just got home from a wonderful fun time with the Oregon Cult (TM). To make the trip even more special, my brother, his wife, and my 3 month old nephew drove down to Portland from their home in Olympia, WA. This is the first time I've seen my brother in 2 years, and the longest I've gone without seeing one of my family members. This was the first time seeing my nephew... who is SO. STINKING. CUTE. I'm not just saying it because I have to, but he's one of those who knows he is too cute for his own good.

I've spent 30 of the last 69 hours traveling. By the time I got back to PDX to start the trek home via plane, I was not in great shape. I tried to no avail to get myself home earlier than Midnight, as I was up at 4:30am to begin the trip home.

I got to Denver and had a couple hours to Kill. I stopped to get a quickie chair massage in the terminal. A soldier who was on his way home for leave came in as well, and we started talking. This man instantly reminded me I have NOTHING To be complaining about. He had left the sandbox the same day I had left for Oregon, and while I was now making my return trip, he was still working on getting back to the US so he could start his leave. He'd already been in the Denver airport an hour longer than I had, and had 2 more hours on top of mine, and I was there 3.

I was looking at him, and seeing my brother. I'm thankful every day that my brother is able to stay on base at FT Lewis with his son and be relatively more safe. I'm glad I got a chance a chance to say thank you to this man in my own way. I don't know his name but that doesn't matter. He is my brother.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Score!

There are 4 resale/thrift stores all within a half mile of each other that I pass on my way home.

For some reason I felt inclined to stop in one that I'd never before.

I am glad I did - I walked away with a 3 bottle wine rack, a hand mixer, and an ice cream maker for the grand total of.... $6.84.


Gotta love good bargains.


I am really missing a lot of people this week. I'll get a chance to see many of them quite soon. I think I am missing them because I know the visits will be SO SO short and then I'll be back in Chicago again. I am ready to be done with Chicago. October 6th can't get here soon enough.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A month from now

A Month from now....


I will be sitting and walking on a beach for at least part of the day.


I will have finished my LEED Green Associate class and hopefully been able to schedule and sit for my exam... and know whether I passed.

I will have gotten to see my boy toy twice between a quickie layover in Phoenix (literally... 1 hr from landing to takeoff on 2nd plane) and a Labor Day Weekend visit.

I will be another year in digits.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Pillars of a Temple

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, but not to near together:For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.


“The Prophet,” Kahlil Gibran

Sunday, August 1, 2010

No Reason to Panic

I really can't explain why, but over the last 30 days or so I've had what have felt like panic attacks (to me). I am not prone to these at all, to the best of my knowledge. But totally tight chest, what I know to be irrational fear, but I can't tell you what the fear is of. All I know is when they come I don't know what is triggering them yet, just that I totally freeze. I struggle to breathe, to get up from where I am, to make my eyes blink and think about counting to 10.

I hate not being in control, and a panic attack is probably the least controlled situation I could be in. I have often thought that part of it is the looming Aug 31 date. August 31 was the day I moved to Chicago 2 years ago, and it will mark my existence in any one city for the longest period since I left Phoenix.

And I am completely uninspired by my surroundings here. I was tempted to at first say I was miserable, but I don't think that is a fair statement to make. I am completely in control of my choice to be happy or not happy in any circumstance. But I do not feel any connection to this city. Beyond my intrapersonal growth while here, I don't see this city as a place that is helping me meet goals that I have for the long term. I can't fulfill myself with my favorite interests - Hiking, Outdoors, affordable living, family, friends.

I am beyond thankful to be gainfully employed in a job that overall treats me well, pays well, and provides good benefits. But it is not a position that will satisfy me for a long period - already, I'm feeling restless and as if I've outgrown the position. Project Management is what I do best, and this job originally had it while it was in the creation stages. Now that the position and responsibilities are solidified, all that is left is executing them when required.

I've been in the pursuit for a while of shifting locales to the Pacific Northwest. I'd put off my search until just a short time ago due to visitors coming over the summer. Now that they have been here and gone, I found myself freaking out again.

I've been looking at jobs and postings and apartments. But I have to take a step back and remind myself why I'm looking at this city in the first place. Remind myself of what type of work environment/life style is really what I want. I had totally lost sight of all of these factors in my haze of "get out get out get out NOW".

It's hard to tell myself to slow down. I operate on Plan Then Execute Immediately mentality.

These last couple of days have been harder on me than I have wanted to admit. I put my boyfriend on a plane back to Phoenix, not knowing for sure when exactly I'd see him again. I have no doubt I will at some point, but it's different when you have a specific date to look forward to. I've spent a lot of time interacting with Dusty to fill a little of the void that is now missing in having a live breathing human to interact with.

I took a contract gig earlier this year, and have not been able to utilize any of that fundage until I got the tax business squared away. I met with a CPA yesterday and dropped a check in the mail to the IRS yesterday night. Now I can get about the business of Purposeful planning.

I signed up for a Green Associate course with an eligibility certificate today so I can take the LEED Green Associate exam. I am narrowing my job focus to the PacNW instead of just Portland, but to jobs that will utilize my LEED certification and help me get the building blocks to pursue AP. This is really where my heart lies, and if I move and do anything else, I'm really no better off than I was in Chicago. I'll have not learned a thing in this wretched city I called home for 2 years, if I just escape yet again but without my parachute.

This means my move will not happen overnight. This all reminded me that I need to live day by day.. not put off everything in the future when I don't even know whats going to happen. I've had vacation time booked for 2 months, but I'd hesitated buying my ticket to Mexico because of all of the above. Yesterday I booked my ticket. I need to take advantage of the fact that my company gives me such generous time off. I need to make sure I am taking care of myself every day.

I feel so much better being able to take SOME sort of action. I definitely will not be moving as quickly as I thought. But I have been telling myself for 6 months I wanted to reach my 2 year anniversary at my job because of the supervisory/management experience marker, which will help my marketability down the road.

I still have no clue what the heck the future holds. But at least I am living with no regrets.



 
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