Dreaming

Without the job to occupy my time, I turn to doing the best I can to make this studio feel like home. With only 1 closet, I am at a huge crunch for storage space. I'm pretty proud of the strategy I've used so far, which leaves me with only a handful of boxes with no place to call home. Ideally, I need a second bookshelf or shelf space somewhere, and some creative re-organizing to make everything work. Lastly... a stand for the TV and to hide the cables from the DVD surround sound speakers.

I found what I was looking for online at IKEA, and took a trip out to the one in Schaumburg to look at the piece in person. I can't afford any big purchases until I have a paycheck again, so this trip was mostly to eyeball the piece, and see how heavy the box(s) were. The one for the TV stand was 97 lbs. No way I'd be able to get that all the way up to my apartment by myself. I checked the delivery charges for my area, and I'd be looking at $120 additional in delivery, minimum, which is actually MORE than the cost of the stand itself!

I ran into the same issue with the sofabed - it was on sale for $99, but it cost me $100 to have it delivered and brought up to my floor. It's frustrating that I can't automatically assume I've got a second pair of hands, which in these cases is really all I needed. Everyone's doing their own thing, and I'm out of the way enough that its not just running across the street to help someone out, it's a several hour commitment. Another reason why I'm so thankful I had some help getting the boxes out of my truck from the move into the city.

*SIGH* Sometimes I wish I wasn't so responsible about things. I would love nothing more than to feel comfortable bringing my friends over and having a space for us to hang out - I want to fulfill my entertainment bug just as much as them, and it would be nice to have them coming to me, for once. But instead, I have a place to sleep, some folding chairs, and that's about it. I've been pretty good about not being nostalgic about my NY townhouse- the situation there was the exact opposite!! I had all the space in the world, comfortable places to sit, a full kitchen table set.... and no one to invite over. I swear... i'd love to win, one of these times - just once!

I'm missing my family. I'm mising what used to be my best friend.... ever since I got back to Kentucky in August after the first round of interviews, I've observed changes which left me living with a total stranger. Everyone changes... but it seems like these changes drove a wedge in between our very close friendship. I'm not sure why... and this is one of the things that has been the hardest to deal with. Circumstances beyond human control have not made matters any easier, and so instead I sit in the silence... sometimes wondering when I'll ever have the answers I'm asking for. The scariest part... something tells me I won't like the answer.

Somewhere out there.... my quirky pieces fit into a puzzle I can't even fathom .. I just hope I can maintain the integrity and strong resolve to keep myself unique.