Fighting Insecurities

I can't pinpoint a specific trigger that had my mind so wrapped around some things this week, but I had a really hard time fighting some past impulses and thought patterns. In particular... I contemplated taking a road trip to Louisville this weekend. I spent more time than I want to admit thinking about the trip, and trying to justify it to myself. I had back up plans to back up plans - everything from just making the drive there and back in one day, to making it a surprise trip so my fears of being rejected would be "minimized".

I am forever grateful I know myself well enough to recognize when I'm going into "not the brightest idea" territory. The unwavering honesty of my closest friends is hard to hear at times, but it is what I love most about them. In this case... they threw back the words I had so strongly left on the table the last time I was in Kentucky : That the friendship and feelings that drew me there would only be healthy going forward for me if I was met half way.

Driving all the way to Louisville is not half way. And while I won't have to have the experience of beating myself up for going on the drive back, it still surprised me how much the holes in my life can burn so strongly.