Monday, December 12, 2011
Breaking Radio Silence
I'm still alive.
And somehow strangely, despite all the events that I've not spilled out into the public space called The Internet, this year is ending on a high note.
I will have to do some updating later today.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Breaking Radio Silence
Fall has come. I've already pulled out my Fuzzy socks and put them on my feet, curled up in a blanket, and read till I fell asleep. Happy September!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Mailbox
Most mailboxes were either blank for empty apartments, or they had the names typed on a label that fit in the indented space on the mailbox.
And then there was mine. A ripped off edge of an envelope, with my last name written in Purple in letters three times the size of the others.
And you know what... it's a great reflection of me. I'm memorable.. whether its just a mailbox or out in life. And I'm sure to get my mail!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Hiking Adventure Challenge!
I have taken on a new challenge to complete every hike in Ted Villaire's 60 Hikes within 60 Miles of Chicago. I've emailed Ted about my challenge and my commitment to blog his book and the trails. He was gracious enough to have his publisher send me a copy of the book to help me along in this. Thanks TED!
One of the things I am most excited about was that in emailing with Ted, I discovered that he does not have a car either! Lack of transportation has been my biggest supposed hurdle in getting outside of the city limits. In his book, if there are public transportation options available, they have been included on the directions to get to the trail. SWEET!
Ted's website is here: http://www.tedvillaire.com/
Book information and details to purchase here: http://www.tedvillaire.com/60-hikes-within-60-miles-chicago/
Last Sunday I had planned do to trail #12 in the book, the Lake Katherine Trail. 2 hiccups occured. The first was the weather forecast - heavy thunderstorms before 10am, and my friend S and I were going to be smack in the middle of the trail.
The second was the transportation options. In the book, it was said to take a PACE bus route from Midway to the site. I was going to have a ride there, so just needed a way to get home. When I looked up the route for the time table, it turns out it doesn't run on Sundays. GOOD TO KNOW! This is a M-Saturday trail only if taking that transportation route. There is a metra station nearby that I looked into as an alternate. The Metra station is also only M-Saturday.
Now I know.. to complete this trail it will need to be on a day other than Sunday. I'll be selecting another trail to do this weekend. Stay tuned!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Landmark Education - Advanced Course
I felt a little more relaxed walking into the Advanced Course having spent the weekend in the Landmark Forum which is set up in similar time style. 12-13 hour days,and now I know the break structure and that it is in fact possible to make it through the weekend.
We started off in a MUCH smaller group than the Forum - down to a quarter of the size. There were some familiar faces from my March Forum, and also from my Integrity Seminar.
Walking in, I knew the things that I was struggling with since the Forum that wouldn't quite willingly take the back seat. I was still very very angry, upset, and emotionally invested in the fact that I could not obtain my Boat Crew certification with the USCG Auxiliary that I so desperately wanted. It has been a difficult summer in that respect since I am trying other activities within the Auxiliary and before I even begin I'm writing them off because they're not what I really want to be doing.
The Advanced Course takes 3 main missions that are the structure for the conversations within the course. One of those is true Mastery of Reality. This is what sunk in with claws and never let go. This came up for me on the tail end of Friday, and continued thru Saturday and Sunday.
At the end of Saturday, I had really really come face to face with this resentment I had. And I had a choice. I had the choice to accept that this story of what was happening was adding to my inability to move forward and to accept it as it was - nothing more, nothing less.
Looking back, Of course I wasn't feeling empowered and able to inspire people. I was attempting to do that (or so I thought) and on the complete opposite end of the spectrum I had made myself out to be the victim of something beyond my control. This dichotomy was completely ruining my ability to be effective.
The moment that has changed my life forever came Sunday afternoon, just before our dinner break. The conversation had started to talk about the power of language in our shaping of the world, and our relationship to other people. I felt moved to speak and got up to share.
I shared with the group a lesser known fact of the suicide rate of deaf male teens in their college years, and the source of that suicide rate. Being deaf puts an entirely different meaning on the power of word and language.
When you have sign language, it is only effective when you have others who can speak the same language. This is not the case for the large majority of the world. When you spend your day in and day out existence in a world that you can't communicate with, your sense of existence deteriorates. You feel invisible when you look out and you see a world talking back and forth with each other and interacting. You see this and when you try to reach out and capture it, you are either ignored or left confused because you lack the pieces of the puzzle to provide meaning to the exchange.
I took my hearing aid out to give a visual representation to the group. A Black and White, Language and No Language world. I explained how when it didn't work,I feel like all of the sudden I have no meaning in my life to communicate and share myself, and my ideas.
I had no idea my sharing of this would move so many people. I had the instructors of the course telling me that it had left them speechless. We left for our meal break and I had felt like I was having an out of body experience - I couldn't feel my hands, feet, and they were tingling. My brain was just quietly frozen, sounds passing before me but a sense of subtle disattachment.
People would come up to me and address me and thank me. It blew me away that being me, EXACTLY AS I AM, no more and no less, was able to provide this breakthrough connection for people. If I had been more deaf, I would not have the ability to function at the level I do and even be in the space. If I was less deaf, I wouldn't have had the issues that made me feel so strongly about this.
When we had our Tuesday night session that was open to past graduates and guests, I shared a summary. I shared a summary that I walked in with my condition of being hearing the something that the biggest obstacle in my way to being empowered and making a difference in people's lives. I shared the point where I had the realization that in fact my burden was actually a blessing beyong belief. And how it had felt to have that realization, to speak it into the world and give it intention and a declaration that I AM AMY AND I AM ME.
I am signed up for the Self Expression and Leadership course that begins in August and part of this course is to take on a project. Not only am I taking on a project, but I think I have found that BIG PROBLEM that is worth dedicating my life for. Something that will impact my life every day for as long as I live. Something that gives me passion beyond anything I thought I was capable of containing.
I didn't get my life back through Landmark Forum. I got a new life that is capable of anything.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I'm still alive, I promise
Lots been going on, in a good way.
I'm officially a graduate of the Landmark Education Advanced Course, which is part 3 of the Curriculum for Living. LOTS LOTS LOTS to say about that. I need more down time to do so!
but for now... here is a pretty view... take time to stop and smell the flowers. Even when they are on the other side of a chain link fence in a gravel parking lot.
Enjoy!
Friday, July 8, 2011
So.. that thing
Where you have someone to make you breakfast. Or dinner. Or barter in exchange for doing the dishes.
Someone to give you a shoulder rub just because.
Someone who says its absolutely not at all a hassle to pick me up from the train so we can spend time together.
Someone whose love of ice cubes in water may in fact surpass my own.
Someone who can kick back a salad one day, shake and burger another, sushi yet another, and homemade mexican to round it off. And above all loves COSTCO!!
Oh. And someone whose toes I can make curl if I hit some spots exactly right.
Yea... That. I've got it. It feels REALLY REALLY GOOD. *does a happy monkie dance*
Sunday, July 3, 2011
off the ground!
Mexican weddings are a lot of crazy fun. The bride and groom showed up 2 hours later than the time they had told me they'd be getting there.. which left us about 10 minutes trying to coordinate all the last minute details before getting the wedding started.
But those who know me.. things start on time if I have any say. and I did. We started at 5:31 - for weddings that is a darn good accomplishment.
Oh. and I guess this is news.. I now have cats. Yes.. 2. and NO! I'm not turning into crazy cat lady. I promise.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Power
"POWER: The Ability to Translate Intention Into Results"
I was just given this definition of power yesterday and it has been on the forefront of my mind since then. I used to think I was in a power struggle with my boss, but the kind of power I thought we were wrestling over was nothing like this.
This is the kind of power that actually gets things done.
This is what EMPOWERMENT is focused around. This is what I want to give to the people in my life.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Culture Shock
Housing Prices. I pay for my 1 bedroom apartment what a good friend pays for the mortgage of a 5 bedroom, 3 bath, BRAND NEW, model 3,000 square foot house. The garage on the house was about 85% the size of my apartment.
Lifestyles.
Distances traveled for work/ commute times/commute methods.
Sheer Diversity in the population around us.
I feel like I owe it to my future kids to expose them to as much as possible about the amazing thing that is the human race, and I just personally do not see Arizona as the place where I can in full confidence do that.
So Phoenix. the heat has been absolutely wonderful. Being in the pool, heavenly. But you'll have to be a memory I carry with me forever, not a place to come back to.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Making Promises
I was challenged this week to instead ... MAKE MORE PROMISES!
If you are committed to living a life that is true to yourself, and you can honor your word and your commitments which align with the "to thine own self be true" mentality... then not making promises is a copout.
An excuse to hide behind instead of embracing a chance to challenge yourself and actually make an effort at living a life that is unreasonable but one that is absolutely yours.
I want to be someone who can be counted on, who can make a difference. In order to make a difference, you have to shake up the status quo.
And that begins with the only person who's state of being I have control over: Me.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Integrity
I started my Landmark Education Seminar Series Integrity: The Bottom Line last night, and it was a very quick re-awakening to how much diligence it takes to keep this idea and concept on the forefront of your mind. To realize you choose the decision, every hour, every moment, to play the game or not.
Part of the agreement for taking the course over the summer was the promise to not engage in gossip of any kind. I have prided myself on being, in my eyes, relatively gossip free. Oh, what a humble realization that was last night. The way it was described was "do not talk or complain about things to anyone other than someone who can do something about it". Gossip doesn't just mean talking about stranger celebrities, or people you mutually know others. It is the water cooler talk, its complaining about something with no intent to use that discourse to impact the situation in a positive way somehow.
Goodbye water cooler...
Friday, June 10, 2011
Drive By Gardening!
Since I don't have a dedicated balcony and the window ledges are not safe from furry creatures, I've no resort left other than enjoying the fruits of other's green thumbs.
The prize this week is hands down my favorite flower of all time, and in one of my favorite color combinations.
I need to get back into the more semi daily swing of updates. It has been an interesting few weeks, notably my time doing vessel safety checks with the Auxiliary.
Up next.. AZ Visit! The Family! My Dusty mop!!
Monday, May 23, 2011
One more day
The past you do no longer holds the lessons... you've learned their secrets.
Distance and forward can be misleading... you don't have to be moving to go round in circles.
Everything has a circumference.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
New Venture!
The website is not together yet but I am going by "A Ceremony Your Way". I think it is concise, and describes the niche and market I want to take without any extra clarification needed.
This should be fun!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Latching Vs Dancing
I was struggling with some decisions about dating and choices and "What Am I Looking For? Why am I doing this?"
Along the way.. I got a little selfish and got sidetracked. I know I am a pretty unique personality and a great catch for the right person. It has been a new experience for me to be at the center of someone else's relatively undivided attention. Or at least future potential undivided attention. And it felt nice. REALLY nice.
Annnnd trying to do whatever I could to keep that feeling coming instead of remembering the big picture and my goal to broaden my network here Chicago bit me in the ass.
Now I'm aware and caught that thought pattern. Now to work on keeping things what they are, and not what I am tranposing on top of events. It is a moment by moment effort.
and I absolutely love this picture.
* by Sergey Lekomtsev |
Sunday, May 15, 2011
In my thoughts
My sister has been in Tanzania for the last year.
Starting earlier this week, she's not doing so well right now and she's been on my mind even more so than normal.
So Elizabeth... get better soon. We are all rooting for you and wish would could be there to keep you company. Know you are loved... even my cat Charlie says hello and get better.
This picture is from when I was in town for Beth's graduation party before she left for Africa.
Can't wait to see you again!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Voice in my head
I hear this voice echoing around in my head.
It whispers in my ear...
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Walk with my Dad
Time with mom is precious.. time with Dad is Priceless.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Heard at Breakfast
Friday, May 6, 2011
Seattle!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Tres de Mayo
Maybe I will make my salsa chicken this week.
It is time for another beach visit this week. I've not been back in a few weeks and it is one of the places I love to share with people. The last few plans did not quite reached fruition.
Maybe one of these days....
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Drama Llama
I hate it.
It keeps following me lately.
I am tempted to take a huge Godzilla sized carrot and throw it over the fence for the Drama Llamas to go after.
Just 24 hours.. then I am on the road to hang out with friends for the weekend. I am long overdue for a change of scenery.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Magic the Gathering
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
wondering
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Call me Crazy
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Northerly Island
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Church Bells
St.Ignatius Church is right at the end of my street. It is an older church built in 1906, and run by a Jesuit order until 2000.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
So... Bathtime
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Global Family
Monday, April 11, 2011
new little baby
Sunday, April 10, 2011
If I didn't look at the calendar
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The power of words
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
sometimes
Landmark Forum
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Meet my new sidekick
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Landmark Forum
I'm going.
March 25.
I have no clue what to expect... but it will life changing. I am going to make it so. Especially because this opportunity is only happening so quick because of an amazingly awesome person in my life who has had their own life adventure with Landmark and would not let me continue to make excuses for why I have not gone already.
Stay tuned.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Heartbroken
I just found out today that the #1 reason I joined the US Coast Guard Auxiliary... I have been told I will not be given the final certification due to my hearing loss and concern for my safety and that of other crew members during on the water patrols.
This has been my dream since I was old enough to know there was a coast guard. I got my hopes up when i found out about the Auxiliary in October, and after going on 2 patrols as a guest I could see myself being involved in boat crew patrols for the rest of my life if I was near water. This is no longer an option for me anymore. The only boat/water related option for me at this point is Vessel Safety Examiner, which all takes place on land. While I know it is valuable, I can't swallow having to turn down my dream, AGAIN. I woke up voluntarily on Saturdays at 5am to get my ass to this class that goes for 9 months.
But now... my dog is gone. My class is gone. My family is gone. All the things that I had finally put real effort to make some semblance of a life here in the last 6 months have all completely disinigrated. I feel like I need to look for something overseas.. there's no reason to stay here anymore. Being here hurts too much.
I have to look out my window at work and Lake Michigan takes up 65% of the view. Every time I looked out the window before I could see the station and I would get excited about the next time I would be going out. Now its just a constant reminder of what my deafness is stopping me from doing. I need my own damn boat.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Dusty is gone
Monday, February 7, 2011
Adjustment
The sun is out now and I am keeping my eyes on the glass to try and soak up as much as I can. Hopefully I can wander around during my lunch.
Hope will make it... even if I have to tie my hands behind my back.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Ghosts of books
Thursday, February 3, 2011
World in Technicolor
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Funny how that happens
Life isn't perfect and sometimes it takes a bit of work to remember that smiling is kind of an important part of having a good outlook, even if no one sees you smile.
Who would have thought... Chicago is starting to feel like home. Funny how that happens.
I hadn't truly decided to stay until my interview got cancelled at the beginning of November. Since that time...
I've moved (hopefully the last time for a while)
I've gotten my application into the Coast Guard Auxiliary and now have my weekends starting to look pretty booked.
I've made some closer friends that I met in October
I've met quite a few people outside my normal social circle through that psychology experiment I'm running called match.com since I joined at the beginning of January. Some horrendously awkward coffee and lunch dates so far but it has made me appreciate when someone that matches me well comes along. One in particular is slowly developing and unfolding. I'm excited to see where this continues to go.
I've allowed myself the option to be happy AND not feel guilty. I can't change the past. I can't change mistakes I may have made. I can't stop other people's choices and life changes... and there are more circumstances I can't control. Most of all.. I can't control everything.
And That's OK. .... (yes. Still working on true 150% acceptance of this statement. But slowly. Its my mantra lately).
and I've already posted it here before.. but this picture is what takes me back into the place where I first found balance. I was sitting on a rock in the middle of the river in Vancouver's Lynn Canyon. This is the place that comes to mind when I try to recapture what it felt like when things were right. This is home. And somehow I managed to capture it perfectly.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Where is the time going??
I wish I'd been on the sidewalk so i could have taken a picture.. But this will suffice. It is from a sunrise over the lake last winter.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Lots but not to say
The holidays are over, the gloom is still here. Lights are going down and the grey cold fog is crouching on in. I take my bubble baths with a book almost nightly now.
I've started a blog post here many times over the last couple of weeks, and haven't hit publish. I know moping when I see it, and sometimes I just need to let those days pass without documenting them to embarrass myself later.
This girl and her soul need to get out of the city for a while. I haven't left Chicago since October, and haven't been on the water since October either. I start my Boat Crew class for 15 weeks of Saturdays on Jan 15, so if I want to do something this coming saturday is about my only full weekend from now until May.