Making the Best of It

I've already written in the past about the situation with my grandmother, and this weekend was bittersweet. I did the whirlwind weekend roadtrip to spend Easter Sunday with her and my MN family, as well as my mom who flew out for the weekend. I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving, and there have been some definite physical differences. Her hair fell out from chemo, she's been losing about 5 lbs a month since she started chemo in January, on top of the weight she lost when she first starting feeling ill last summer.

But more than physical deterioration ... she's tired. Her spirit is tired, her eyes are tired. They don't light up when the latest round of neighborhood gossip gets tossed around the table. I don't worry about her overdoing it too much because she seems to know her physical limits better now. The flip side of that is what it actually takes to get her to slow down. Pain that is beyond disguise and ignoring.

I'm hoping this isn't the last time I'll have a chance to see her before I can take some vacation in June. I made a big point to reinforce my favorite memories of her by baking this weekend while I was there. It was easier to take out the "sick" gramma and replace it with the one I know and love. She was inspecting the cookies, always showing me how to do it better, and dipping in her pinky finger to make sure frostings and batter were spot on. I'm gonna miss her.