Landmark Education - Advanced Course

Where to begin...


I felt a little more relaxed walking into the Advanced Course having spent the weekend in the Landmark Forum which is set up in similar time style. 12-13 hour days,and now I know the break structure and that it is in fact possible to make it through the weekend.


We started off in a MUCH smaller group than the Forum - down to a quarter of the size. There were some familiar faces from my March Forum, and also from my Integrity Seminar.


Walking in, I knew the things that I was struggling with since the Forum that wouldn't quite willingly take the back seat. I was still very very angry, upset, and emotionally invested in the fact that I could not obtain my Boat Crew certification with the USCG Auxiliary that I so desperately wanted. It has been a difficult summer in that respect since I am trying other activities within the Auxiliary and before I even begin I'm writing them off because they're not what I really want to be doing.

The Advanced Course takes 3 main missions that are the structure for the conversations within the course. One of those is true Mastery of Reality. This is what sunk in with claws and never let go. This came up for me on the tail end of Friday, and continued thru Saturday and Sunday.

At the end of Saturday, I had really really come face to face with this resentment I had. And I had a choice. I had the choice to accept that this story of what was happening was adding to my inability to move forward and to accept it as it was - nothing more, nothing less.

Looking back, Of course I wasn't feeling empowered and able to inspire people. I was attempting to do that (or so I thought) and on the complete opposite end of the spectrum I had made myself out to be the victim of something beyond my control. This dichotomy was completely ruining my ability to be effective.

The moment that has changed my life forever came Sunday afternoon, just before our dinner break. The conversation had started to talk about the power of language in our shaping of the world, and our relationship to other people. I felt moved to speak and got up to share.

I shared with the group a lesser known fact of the suicide rate of deaf male teens in their college years, and the source of that suicide rate. Being deaf puts an entirely different meaning on the power of word and language.

When you have sign language, it is only effective when you have others who can speak the same language. This is not the case for the large majority of the world. When you spend your day in and day out existence in a world that you can't communicate with, your sense of existence deteriorates. You feel invisible when you look out and you see a world talking back and forth with each other and interacting. You see this and when you try to reach out and capture it, you are either ignored or left confused because you lack the pieces of the puzzle to provide meaning to the exchange.

I took my hearing aid out to give a visual representation to the group. A Black and White, Language and No Language world. I explained how when it didn't work,I feel like all of the sudden I have no meaning in my life to communicate and share myself, and my ideas.

I had no idea my sharing of this would move so many people. I had the instructors of the course telling me that it had left them speechless. We left for our meal break and I had felt like I was having an out of body experience - I couldn't feel my hands, feet, and they were tingling. My brain was just quietly frozen, sounds passing before me but a sense of subtle disattachment.

People would come up to me and address me and thank me. It blew me away that being me, EXACTLY AS I AM, no more and no less, was able to provide this breakthrough connection for people. If I had been more deaf, I would not have the ability to function at the level I do and even be in the space. If I was less deaf, I wouldn't have had the issues that made me feel so strongly about this.


When we had our Tuesday night session that was open to past graduates and guests, I shared a summary. I shared a summary that I walked in with my condition of being hearing the something that the biggest obstacle in my way to being empowered and making a difference in people's lives. I shared the point where I had the realization that in fact my burden was actually a blessing beyong belief. And how it had felt to have that realization, to speak it into the world and give it intention and a declaration that I AM AMY AND I AM ME.

I am signed up for the Self Expression and Leadership course that begins in August and part of this course is to take on a project. Not only am I taking on a project, but I think I have found that BIG PROBLEM that is worth dedicating my life for. Something that will impact my life every day for as long as I live. Something that gives me passion beyond anything I thought I was capable of containing.

I didn't get my life back through Landmark Forum. I got a new life that is capable of anything.

Power

I have this on a sticky note on my work computer:


"POWER: The Ability to Translate Intention Into Results"


I was just given this definition of power yesterday and it has been on the forefront of my mind since then. I used to think I was in a power struggle with my boss, but the kind of power I thought we were wrestling over was nothing like this.

This is the kind of power that actually gets things done.


This is what EMPOWERMENT is focused around. This is what I want to give to the people in my life.

Making Promises

For a long time, I always said I would only make promises I could keep. We know the things we can "keep" based on our current expectations and constraints, with no extra effort required.

I was challenged this week to instead ... MAKE MORE PROMISES!

If you are committed to living a life that is true to yourself, and you can honor your word and your commitments which align with the "to thine own self be true" mentality... then not making promises is a copout.

An excuse to hide behind instead of embracing a chance to challenge yourself and actually make an effort at living a life that is unreasonable but one that is absolutely yours.

I want to be someone who can be counted on, who can make a difference. In order to make a difference, you have to shake up the status quo.


And that begins with the only person who's state of being I have control over: Me.

Integrity

When I completed the Landmark Forum, one of the biggest ways this played out in my work life IMMEDIATELY was agreeing to play the rules of the "game" of being an employee at my office.

I started my Landmark Education Seminar Series Integrity: The Bottom Line last night, and it was a very quick re-awakening to how much diligence it takes to keep this idea and concept on the forefront of your mind. To realize you choose the decision, every hour, every moment, to play the game or not.


Part of the agreement for taking the course over the summer was the promise to not engage in gossip of any kind. I have prided myself on being, in my eyes, relatively gossip free. Oh, what a humble realization that was last night. The way it was described was "do not talk or complain about things to anyone other than someone who can do something about it". Gossip doesn't just mean talking about stranger celebrities, or people you mutually know others. It is the water cooler talk, its complaining about something with no intent to use that discourse to impact the situation in a positive way somehow.

Goodbye water cooler...

Latching Vs Dancing

Landmark is amazing. I am by no means an expert but I love how it is stretching me, growing me. It gave me a new circle of people to help mirror my actions and thoughts back at me. Give me the honesty you need to hear in order to decide what you want your world and your future to hold.

I was struggling with some decisions about dating and choices and "What Am I Looking For? Why am I doing this?"

Along the way.. I got a little selfish and got sidetracked. I know I am a pretty unique personality and a great catch for the right person. It has been a new experience for me to be at the center of someone else's relatively undivided attention. Or at least future potential undivided attention. And it felt nice. REALLY nice.

Annnnd trying to do whatever I could to keep that feeling coming instead of remembering the big picture and my goal to broaden my network here Chicago bit me in the ass.

Now I'm aware and caught that thought pattern. Now to work on keeping things what they are, and not what I am tranposing on top of events. It is a moment by moment effort.


and I absolutely love this picture.

* by Sergey Lekomtsev

Landmark Forum

Its been a couple of weeks since I have written.

A lot has happened.. a lot to process.

I thought I knew what to expect going into the Landmark Forum. I was mistaken. I was blown away.

We as human beings are such amazing creatures. Part of that comes the downfall that we create our reality. And our reality is based on whatever conceptions we place in front of ourselves at any given time. It was an amazing weekend. I thought I had myself all together before I walked in that door at the beginning of the conference. I went because a very dear friend pretty much left me with no choice. I've seen how much of a difference his involvement with Landmark has made in the lives of him and his family, and trusted his judgement. He did not let me down.

Just in 2 short weeks.. I have a brand new relationship with my boss. I used to resent her attitude of "Family mafia" style management. I used to resent that she tried to be a second mother to me. That resistance put a strain on my ability to communicate effectively with her in a professional manner, and I was suffering for it.

It was all about how I was looking at the situation. She has definitely noticed the difference in me, and even if I am still more than slightly weirded out that she continues to mimic me any time I do anything major (major haircut/color, major weight loss, yet another major haircut/color), mimicry is a form of flattery, right?

It really made me remember we only get 1 set of parents. Whether or not they do what I think is right based on where I am sitting.. mine made the best choices they could in the circumstances they had. It couldn't have been easy facing huge medical bills from my meningitis as young newlywed parents at 27. They were my age when I was admitted.

My parents can feel the difference. My mom knew about landmark and they were really touched that I spent 30 minutes trying to track them literally halfway around the globe from Tanzania to LAX where they had literally walked out of customs 20 minutes before I talked to them.

I told them both I'd never get off the phone without saying I Love You. I'm sticking to that for life, even if it means I have to not mean the words. Then it will be fake it till you make it time.

And perhaps most surprisingly... I've got a small flame in my heart that is slowly growing. We'll see where that leads.. So far I really like the direction. Sometimes you just KNOW.

Landmark Forum

Landmark Forum.


I'm going.


March 25.


I have no clue what to expect... but it will life changing. I am going to make it so. Especially because this opportunity is only happening so quick because of an amazingly awesome person in my life who has had their own life adventure with Landmark and would not let me continue to make excuses for why I have not gone already.


Stay tuned.