Score!

There are 4 resale/thrift stores all within a half mile of each other that I pass on my way home.

For some reason I felt inclined to stop in one that I'd never before.

I am glad I did - I walked away with a 3 bottle wine rack, a hand mixer, and an ice cream maker for the grand total of.... $6.84.


Gotta love good bargains.


I am really missing a lot of people this week. I'll get a chance to see many of them quite soon. I think I am missing them because I know the visits will be SO SO short and then I'll be back in Chicago again. I am ready to be done with Chicago. October 6th can't get here soon enough.

A month from now

A Month from now....


I will be sitting and walking on a beach for at least part of the day.


I will have finished my LEED Green Associate class and hopefully been able to schedule and sit for my exam... and know whether I passed.

I will have gotten to see my boy toy twice between a quickie layover in Phoenix (literally... 1 hr from landing to takeoff on 2nd plane) and a Labor Day Weekend visit.

I will be another year in digits.

Pillars of a Temple

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, but not to near together:For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

“The Prophet,” Kahlil Gibran

No Reason to Panic

I really can't explain why, but over the last 30 days or so I've had what have felt like panic attacks (to me). I am not prone to these at all, to the best of my knowledge. But totally tight chest, what I know to be irrational fear, but I can't tell you what the fear is of. All I know is when they come I don't know what is triggering them yet, just that I totally freeze. I struggle to breathe, to get up from where I am, to make my eyes blink and think about counting to 10.

I hate not being in control, and a panic attack is probably the least controlled situation I could be in. I have often thought that part of it is the looming Aug 31 date. August 31 was the day I moved to Chicago 2 years ago, and it will mark my existence in any one city for the longest period since I left Phoenix.

And I am completely uninspired by my surroundings here. I was tempted to at first say I was miserable, but I don't think that is a fair statement to make. I am completely in control of my choice to be happy or not happy in any circumstance. But I do not feel any connection to this city. Beyond my intrapersonal growth while here, I don't see this city as a place that is helping me meet goals that I have for the long term. I can't fulfill myself with my favorite interests - Hiking, Outdoors, affordable living, family, friends.

I am beyond thankful to be gainfully employed in a job that overall treats me well, pays well, and provides good benefits. But it is not a position that will satisfy me for a long period - already, I'm feeling restless and as if I've outgrown the position. Project Management is what I do best, and this job originally had it while it was in the creation stages. Now that the position and responsibilities are solidified, all that is left is executing them when required.

I've been in the pursuit for a while of shifting locales to the Pacific Northwest. I'd put off my search until just a short time ago due to visitors coming over the summer. Now that they have been here and gone, I found myself freaking out again.

I've been looking at jobs and postings and apartments. But I have to take a step back and remind myself why I'm looking at this city in the first place. Remind myself of what type of work environment/life style is really what I want. I had totally lost sight of all of these factors in my haze of "get out get out get out NOW".

It's hard to tell myself to slow down. I operate on Plan Then Execute Immediately mentality.

These last couple of days have been harder on me than I have wanted to admit. I put my boyfriend on a plane back to Phoenix, not knowing for sure when exactly I'd see him again. I have no doubt I will at some point, but it's different when you have a specific date to look forward to. I've spent a lot of time interacting with Dusty to fill a little of the void that is now missing in having a live breathing human to interact with.

I took a contract gig earlier this year, and have not been able to utilize any of that fundage until I got the tax business squared away. I met with a CPA yesterday and dropped a check in the mail to the IRS yesterday night. Now I can get about the business of Purposeful planning.

I signed up for a Green Associate course with an eligibility certificate today so I can take the LEED Green Associate exam. I am narrowing my job focus to the PacNW instead of just Portland, but to jobs that will utilize my LEED certification and help me get the building blocks to pursue AP. This is really where my heart lies, and if I move and do anything else, I'm really no better off than I was in Chicago. I'll have not learned a thing in this wretched city I called home for 2 years, if I just escape yet again but without my parachute.

This means my move will not happen overnight. This all reminded me that I need to live day by day.. not put off everything in the future when I don't even know whats going to happen. I've had vacation time booked for 2 months, but I'd hesitated buying my ticket to Mexico because of all of the above. Yesterday I booked my ticket. I need to take advantage of the fact that my company gives me such generous time off. I need to make sure I am taking care of myself every day.

I feel so much better being able to take SOME sort of action. I definitely will not be moving as quickly as I thought. But I have been telling myself for 6 months I wanted to reach my 2 year anniversary at my job because of the supervisory/management experience marker, which will help my marketability down the road.

I still have no clue what the heck the future holds. But at least I am living with no regrets.

Empty Space

It always interests me the little things that people pay attention to. Yesterday it was the big empty space on my shoemat (50%) and the fact that Sam had rolled up my tube of toothpaste.

The dog had stolen a toothbrush for himself... I wonder if this was a subtle hint from him.

Maker's Mark bottle top is perfect for drinking from the bottle without spilling 1 single drop. Love it.


I put Sam back on a bus to O'hare yesterday... I miss him but I'm not sad he's gone. I just can't make my emotions go there after moving to Chicago and having allowed a person to affect my emotions and my existence so much.

I am extremely happy for the things he has to look forward to in the next month, and it would be extremely selfish of me to take that anticipation and excitement away from him. College in general, engineering especially, is nothing to laugh at. Sam and I are not together because we need each other... we are together because we want to share our lives and make memories, both happy and sad, with each other. We can do this no matter whether we are in the same room or not, if we are honest with ourselves. It is just a LOT easier to have giggle fits in person :D

I don't really expect that anyone reads this stuff anyway, but it doesn't change the truth of it all. Happy Thursday!

Perfection

No words needed.

Happy Birthday Sam!

Yesterday was Sam's birthday... I took the day off and we spent the whole day doing exactly what Sam pleased.

We started the fun a little early with a game night with some friends that were also visiting that went until 3am, then slept in till 1:30pm.

I had raved about Ann Sather cinnamon rolls and so we decided to get up quickly and head into Lakeview to go to the cafe that was still open until 3. Lucky street parking and 2 stuffed goobers later.. we returned the rental car and chilled to some soma.fm and read for a bit.

Dinner was his choice and we hit up Bar B Que Bobs about a mile away from my house. Bob himself was the one behind the grill.. can you say baby Back RIBS!? The sides weren't great but that's not why we were there. I have a feeling Sam will be heading back there for a lunch at some point.

We'd snagged Carrot Cake and Pear Bundt Cake from Kopi on Tuesday after having some japanese at Sunshine Cafe. This was my first real Japanese dinner and I had seaweed Salad and unagi for the the first time. Yum to Both!

Also had 3 new wines from In Fine Spirits. I've known about that place since I moved to Andersonville but had never set foot in. Now I know why.. it was because I would have just handed over my wallet every week :D. While we were there we saw a poster for some events at Hamburger Mary's/Mary's Attic, so I think we're going to go to the shows on Sunday and next Tuesday. Burlesque is always a ton of fun.

The best part of last night was putting 31 candles on the piece of carrot cake. Sam was still in the living room while I was lighting the candles, which were about to set off the smoke detector. He didn't quite understand the slight panic in my voice as I was telling him to get his butt in the kitchen and blow them out. The look on his face when he saw the flames was priceless!

And last but not least... my snazzy boy toy sporting a fedora. Damn he looks good.

Numb

Sam and I made a road trip to Lanesboro this past weekend. I wanted to see my gramma's grave and just get out of chicago for a while.

It was a great time, but was full of both happy and sad.

It felt wrong to be in Lanesboro and only seeing 1 aunt/uncle.

There was a Hanson reunion Sat so when we headed back to Lanesboro we stayed a little longer than originally planned to put in some face time. Muriel was adamant that Sam have a picture of us under the Norwegian flag hanging at the Sons of Norway lodge.

And the whole drive home.. I was half numb. the grave was grown over and solid.... nothing like what it had been a year ago. The flowers were fake silk ones. Gramma always kept live flowers when she went to visit Orvis every week.

And I felt like I should cry or have some more emotion over it all.. but it wasn't there. Then this morning I was reading a blog post about someone's dog passing away and the waterworks started.

In any case.... we're back in Chicago. Time to put the heavy heart on the shelf for a while and enjoy the precious few days Sam still has here.

Life is Good

Sam is here. YAY! He has survived the first few days of really yuck humidity... last night was absolutely wonderful temp wise.

We discovered a new hangout that I've literally walked by every day for 2 years and never gone inside. I have a feeling we'll be there a bit, especially since its open till 1-2am depending on whether its weekend or not.


How is it Monday already?

Countdown

12 hours.

Then I will be very VERY snuggly in the arms of someone very special.

Now I am craving cheddar cheese.

LEED

I've been stalling... I've admitted it to myself. I am GREAT and giving other people kicks in the ass to get moving towards a goal, a passion. I often say I have a lot of likes but no true LOVE.

That's kind of not true. I don't have a true love in the sense of 1 specific professional job ie a doctor.

But I DO love outdoors. Nature. Smart Building... being out of an office and doing things with my own two hands.

I'm biting the bullet and getting the LEED GA certificate, if i can find a way to make it work.
If nothing else, this is a profession and field that I know I would be able to find work in in Oregon, NO PROBLEM.

And who knows.. I still want my land with my LEED buildings. I'd like to get my AP certification, and if it means I need to create my own project to do it, then bring it on.

*gulp*

Making Memories

Some friends and folks have been sharing their travels and pictures around the nets... and it got me thinking.

I have led a vastly different life than a lot of the people I grew up with.

I'm financially independent and have been for a while.

I've spent more time single than in a relationship over the last 8 years, by choice. I'm picky and I know it... and independent as hell. I don't *need* a guy in my life in order to call myself happy.

I've also not had a huge circle of friends. Once I left AZ, they all but disappeared except for an occasional facebook update, and visits when I'm in AZ. Everyone gets busy and its understandably harder to pack up a new family of 4 than it is one person.

In all this time.. I've done so much. seen so much. learned so much. And most of my significant memories and moments have had no witness but my own heart. Some pictures I was looking at today were of a couple and their baby son. They were in Europe traveling.. but I was more captivated by the unposed family portraits. I've never had that experience in a quality sense, of really seeing new places with someone and being able to both hold the same memories together.

Its not quite the same retelling the stories upon my return. My fear is always.. what happens if I forget? All of these things have shaped me so much. With out someone to trigger my memory.... will these things just fade away? I've tried to write as much as I can in hopes that maybe that will help. Or that pictures can tell a story better than a thousand words.

But a picture can't always capture a feel. It can't capture the music of the wind blowing through the trees and the sun sizzling off the sand... and the smell of rain still lingering in the air.

Summer Storms

It has been the year for them - I've been alternately excited to see lightning/hear thunder, but then also losing sleep from fear of power outages, oppressive humidity, and LOUD storms that wake this deaf person up in the middle of the night.

This time in 2 weeks, Sam will be in Chicago. BIG yay. LDR can be really tough at times, but on the flip side it makes you appreciate your time together. He'll be here for 3 weeks which I prefer because 2-3 days just isn't enough.

chicago, cheapskate style

When my friend was here for the last week, I think we did pretty darn good getting stuff for cheap/discounts. A quick rundown:

Free Admission:

Museum of Science and Industry = savings of $30 ($15 x 2)

Field Museum = savings of $30 (1 x 30)

Discounted Admission

BlueMan Group = savings of $70 (1/2 price tickets x 2)

Hancock/Boat Tour Combo Tickets = savings of $30 ($15 savings for each package x 2)

So far just right there we saved $160. Yikes!! It made it a lot easier to not feel guilty about a cubs game at full price or eating out to watch the World Cup games a couple times.

All in all a great week and I got to see a few places I had not been before either.

Blue Man Group

So ... I finally got to see Blue Man Group AND not break the bank while doing it. Yay!

It was fun! I was a little dissapointed there was not as much drumming as I had been led to believe. I saw the show with my old pit instructor so it was doubly awesome to have another drumline geek watching it with me. He explained their current show actually is 2 shows merged together. That would explain why it was not just drumming, but also more the interactive/Comedy/Entertainment bits.

Now to get back to the "real" week with work this week and hopefully a Cubs game either Tuesday or Wednesday! Go Cubs!